


Geralt's Diary

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Series: Horrible Gremlin Geralt Chronicles [1]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, POV First Person, POV Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Video Game Mechanics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28923228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: Geralt's diary of his adventures, based on all the stupid things the writer has done while playing Witcher 3: Wild Hunt.
Series: Horrible Gremlin Geralt Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2121384
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	1. Don't Aard in Front of the Guards

~ Geralt's Diary ~

I accidentally cast Aard in the middle of town for no reason. The guards did not like that. They chased me down yelling about how much they were going to beat my ass, but I managed to get out of town and swim across the river. I think they gave up once I was in the water, but I didn't want to risk getting out on the same side I went in at, just in case they were all congregated on the bank waiting for me.

The next time I went to back to that same town, I was prepared to have to make a run for it again. Although the guards still seemed hostile toward me, it was no more than usual for a witcher. The Aard incident seemed to have been entirely forgotten.

~oOo~


	2. I Paid 5 Crowns to Get My Own Scrunchie Back

~ Geralt's Diary ~

I walked all the way to Oxenfurt for a game of Gwent. I won a rare card, so I'd say the trip was worth it.

It's a big city. I got a little turned around. I stumbled upon a barber shop while I was there, so I got a shave while I had the chance. Beard was looking scruffy. Don't judge me. I also paid 5 crowns for the guy to take out my scrunchie and brush my hair. Now my hair is hanging loose and free!

(later) I remember now why I always keep my hair up. Looks good down, but it keeps falling in my face or getting blown into my eyes by the wind. I left it down for a few days but then I couldn't stand it anymore and went back to the barber. I would have put it up myself but I couldn't find my scrunchie in my inventory anywhere. I wonder if I accidentally sold it when I was unloading all the useless junk I gathered on some merchant?

Anyway, I paid the guy 5 crowns to put my hair up and he used MY scrunchie - the exact same one that I'd had before, which he must have kept when he took my hair down before.

~oOo~


	3. I Made a New Friend

~ Geralt's Diary ~

I heard someone singing. I thought it might be Dandelion, but then I realized the lyrics went to a military song so it couldn't be him. I found a rock troll in a little fortress he'd built for himself. Amusing fellow. Asked me to find him some paint.

When I got to the city, I saw a contract on the notice board for the rock troll. I left it there. I'm not going to kill him! He's my buddy! He's not hurting anyone! (Except anyone who attacks him, but that's just self-defense.)

Anyway I bought the paint and took it to him, and we did a fun little art project together. I stayed a while and listened to him sing before going back to my other quests...

~oOo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that funky rock troll dude.


	4. Getting Lost, Picking Herbs

~ Geralt's Diary ~

I got lost in a forest today, but it was fine. I eventually stumbled over my quest objective when I wasn't even really looking for it. I spent a relaxing few hours walking around taking in the scenery and gathering herbs. I really stocked up on a lot of them, and even found a few rare ones.

I fought some monsters and wild dogs, my alchemy and crafting supplies are really getting a boost today. Fried some wild deer and hares with Igni. The pelts should bring in good money. Shopkeepers love animal pelts.

~oOo~


	5. I Couldn't Save the Horses :(

~ Geralt's Diary ~

There was a barn fire and some guy asked me to go and save his brother, but I was busy with more important things and wasn't going to help him. Then he mentioned that his brother was trying to save the horses. And, well, I couldn't let the horses get burned up.

So I went in the barn and I let all the horses out, and I even found the guy's brother, but then I passed out from lack of oxygen. I tried again but passed out again. I really wanted to save the horses, but I just couldn't do it. T_T

I checked back later after the fire was out and it turns out the horses all survived! :)

That guy's brother died, though.

~oOo~


	6. Toxicity

~ Geralt's Diary ~

Today I tried to fight a monster that was way beyond my abilities. My sword strikes were barely making a dent in its thick armored shell. I drank so much Thunderbolt Potion that the potion toxicity was killing me faster than the monster was.

So I fled from the battle, and once I was a safe distance away I mediated to restore my health and also my stock of bomb and potions. Then I went after that fucker again. I bombed it from a distance and wore down its health before taking two shots of Thunderbolt Potion and hacking away at it.

It almost killed me again, so I think I'll just put a little mark on my map to remind me not to come back to this area until I've leveled up and gotten some better equipment...

~oOo~


	7. Ouch, Oof, My Heart

~ Geralt's Diary ~

So, I. Uhhh. Wow, this is hard to talk about even in my diary that I'm sure no one else is ever going to read. (Lambert, stop using your witcher senses to find my diary and read it. That is an unconscionable invasion of privacy. And stop writing fart jokes in the margins. What are you, 12?)

Anyway. I broke up with Yennefer today just to see what would happen. I was not expecting her reaction to be so... gods, the look on her face when I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore after she poured her heart out to me... and then I couldn't take it back and say it was a joke so I just had to roll with it and tell her we could still be friends.

I shouldn't have done that. I feel horrible.

~oOo~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I really did this because I wanted to see what would happen, and it was so horrible. I reloaded my save file immediately so I could tell her I love her. T^T


End file.
